


Tears

by OnceUponADestiel (Jems_of_Grace)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Fluff, Lots of Crying, M/M, Oneshot, POV!Dean Winchester, but not really too angsty, cas/dean, dean/cas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 23:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4157586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jems_of_Grace/pseuds/OnceUponADestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas shows up at the bunker in floods of tears. Dean is bewildered ('cause Cas is an angel and angels don't cry) but finds himself reacting to Cas's overflowing emotions in a way he wouldn't expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a little drabble of under 1000 words but something went wrong and I couldn't stop writing... oops
> 
> Kind of got the idea 'cause of that time Misha said he hopes Cas gets to cry and that still hasn't happened (well, Jimmy Novak was crying in heaven when Amelia died (so Misha got to cry on screen) but not Cas himself...)
> 
> Anyways... here it is:

Dean opened the bunker door to find Cas standing there. He had to pause for a minute, just to stare at his friend. He was crying.

Dean had never seen Cas cry before. Had never even heard tell of any angel doing such a thing. 'What the fuck?' probably wasn't the most appropriate greeting under the circumstances but it was the first thing that had sprung to mind. In that moment he looked incredibly,  _shamelessly_  human. It seemed almost unnatural on the usually unshakable angel.

But no one could deny that those wet streams falling across his face were actually tears, least of all Dean who watched half morbidly fascinated, half bewilderingly horrified as each tear came into existence, forming in the very corner of those brilliantly blue eyes, wetting those long dark lashes and dribbling down his cheeks. His whole body was shaking, his fists clenched by his side. It was quite clear that the angel was having trouble containing his emotions and his pain was so apparent that Dean wouldn't have been surprised to watch him self-combust.

Seeing Cas in that state created its own kind of pain and Dean felt a fire burn to life at the center of his being, knowing he would wreck a dreadful vengeance on whoever or whatever had done this to his best friend. He also couldn't control the desperate necessity he felt to make things right, didn't even question that that was his responsibility and would have been furious if anyone had suggested otherwise. Before he'd registered thinking about it, his arms were reaching across, wrapping Cas up in their embrace, pressing Cas's face into his chest, feeling the flood of tears begin to soak through his shirt as he rested his chin against the side of Cas's face, holding on tight and pressing the gentlest, the softest of kisses just besides his ear. 

He felt Cas stiffen against him, his shakes subsiding, his breathing labored. Dean blinked back his own surprise, he hadn't meant to do that...  still... best to proceed as though nothing unusual had just occurred. 'What's happened?' he asked softly. 'Are you human again?'

'No,' Cas answered, clearly surprised and sniffing away as he tried to get his body under control. 'I doubt that would elicit such a reaction in me. Why would you think- oh...' apparently it hadn't occurred to Cas before just how human his behavior was. He gave a deep shaky breath before continuing. 'I- I think I've been spending too much time amongst humanity...' Dean felt himself grow cold. 'I have been noticing it a lot lately... I'm not so in control of my emotions as I once was, even a year ago. As an angel I can ordinarily separate emotions from actions but now I find that to be virtually impossible. This is not how angels are supposed to function.'

'So what... you're leaving?'  _No, no, no, no, no. Not again!_  'One way ticket upstairs. Is that what this is? You come to say _hasta la vista_?' 

Cas pulled slightly back from Dean, starring hard into his face though Dean was suddenly keen to avoid eye contact, starring determinedly at a point on the floor.

'Your pronunciation is terrible. And you can't possibly think I'd do that.'

'No?'

'No!' and Cas sounded pretty damn angry now. Dean looked up to his eyes which seemed to have ignited with a kind of dangerous blue fire. 'I didn't say I  _regretted_  feeling more human, only that it was the explanation for my more than human reactions!'

'Oh,' and there really wasn't anything else Dean could say and he felt more than a little dumb for overreacting like that.

'And I certainly wouldn't leave you for such selfish reasons as those!'

'Okay! Okay, I get it... So what's with the water works?' Dean gestured to Cas's wet cheeks, taking note for the first time of the redness around his eyes and having to forcibly hold himself back. He couldn't trust himself around Cas. All he wanted to do was cup that grizzled jaw in his hands, brush the tears from his face, stroke fingers through the fine dark strands of his already messy hair and dot a pattern of kisses across his brow...

But it wouldn't stop there. If he started something like that, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop.

At Dean's words, Cas visibly shook. Dean gasped, clearly just the reminder of whatever was causing him such pain had him on the verge of bubbling over again. And then Dean was reaching out, clasping Cas back against his chest in a one armed hug, determined to somehow give comfort whilst simultaneously stubbornly holding himself back. 'Hey. Hey, Cas... you gotta tell me what's happened! And we'll sort it, I promise. We'll fix it... we always do. We'll make it right, whatever it is...' and Dean knew he would. He'd do anything, give everything to stop Cas from hurting. Build a bridge, cross the ocean, burn down freaking cities if he had to. Whatever it took he'd be willing to give it his all. His everything.

 _Except maybe Sam..._  he acknowledged as a distant after thought. And that was new. That  _maybe_... 

'I can't really explain it. There seem to be a thousand reasons and at the same time, no reason at all.'

'Man, you sound hormonal or somethin'.'

'Do you never cry?'

'Well... yeah... sometimes. But usually it's in pretty highly emotional situations. Not just cause I'm feeling out of sorts. Then again... feeling out of sorts is pretty much my day to day existence...'

'I don't just feel out of sorts, Dean!' Cas spat back irritably and okay, so maybe that had been a pretty tactless thing to say.

'Okay. Well, let's start with that then. How  _do_  you feel?' And no Dean wasn't ordinarily one for these kind of conversations but somehow the word  _'feelings'_ was a lot less scary when it came to Cas. Normally he'd be running out the door but here he was diving in head first.

'Well, that's part of the problem I suppose.  _Feelings._  As I've already stated, I'm used to being able to separate my feelings from my actions and general behaviors but spending an extensive period of time amongst humans and even  _as a human_ , seems to have rubbed off on me.'

'This is still pretty new.'

'Exactly, considering the extent of my lifespan,' _Damn, I'd make a good therapist,_ Dean thought happily before remembering that if it was anyone other than Cas, he wouldn't have it in him to listen to this. 'And then the feelings themselves are incredibly potent,' he was saying. 'Beyond belief actually...' Apparently Cas found feelings as hard to talk about as Dean did, if his vagueness was anything to go by.

'Yeah, welcome to humanity.'

'Thank you, Dean. But I am not human, not truly and I am cut off from heaven now. Even if I was welcome there, I doubt there is a single angel alive who could relate to my experiences. I mean, it has obviously happened before but any such angels were consequently destroyed, along with their prospective partners and nephilim offspring.' Dean blinked having lost track of what Cas was saying. 'And that was all a long time ago anyway. Angels have had barely any interaction with humanity for generations. Probably the most recent was well over a millennium ago and I myself killed the nephilim that was born from that particular union. An action I now seriously regret...' 

'Okay... I'm sorry, but what?' Dean hated to interrupt as his friend clearly had a lot to get off his chest but he really couldn't decipher half of what Cas was saying anymore.

'What?' the side of Cas's face still pressed against Dean's chest. 

'Man, I have no idea what you're talking about!'

'Oh!' Cas said, sounding genuinely surprised. 'Angels falling for humanity. I thought it was obvious.'

'Falling... for humanity?' Dean's voice came out sounding hoarse. 'What does that even mean?' though he feared he already knew. Cas drew back, squinting across at Dean.

'Angels... _loving humans..._ and thereby, falling from grace...'

'Ah,' and now it all became clear. Except really it wasn't all that clear at all.

'You... huh... you, err... _love_ someone. Another human? I- I- I mean, _a_ human?'

'Ye-ess,' Cas confirmed, making the word sound much longer than its three letters had any right to. His frown deepened as he starred across at Dean, now gazing into the middle distance. 'You didn't know?' he looked horrified. 'I thought you knew...'

'Did you,' Dean blurted out, despising the bitterness in his tone. 'Did you really...? I mean, of course you did...'

'I don't really understand why you're upset?'

'I'm _not_ upset!' Dean snapped angrily, unable to meet the angel's eyes. 'And of course you don't bloody well understand!' he could feel tears prickling in the corners of his own eyes now, the wet heat uncontrollable as he found himself taking sharp gasps on the verge of some kind of panic attack. He couldn't believe he was reacting like this. He couldn't do this, not in front of Cas and he spun around, hastily wiping the tears away with the back of his hand and trying to control his shaking. He stared back into the bunker; he'd been so wrapped up in their conversation and in everything that was _Cas_ that he'd half forgotten where they were standing. And wasn't this just ironic? His friend had come to him for help and yet here he was turning away to hide his own tears.

'Dean?' Cas asked hesitantly, reaching out a hand to grasp at his shoulder but Dean only shook him off.

'Don't Cas! Just... _don't.'_

'Dean, what's wrong?'

'Nothing.'

'Then why are you crying?'

''M not!' Dean spat stubbornly as the tears began to make steady paths down the side of his face.

'I'm not an expert on these things by any means but when I was crying just now... everything felt  _very_  wrong... And as I understand it, there is nothing to be ashamed of.'

'There's not, Cas, you're right. I'm not _ashamed_ exactly...' Dean said turning around to face his friend. 'It's just... unexpected, is all... I didn't bank on this happening today. I need time to prepare myself for this kind of thing, y'know...'

'Right... what kind of thing, exactly?' it was Cas's turn to look thoroughly bewildered, his eyes wide with the worry that he had somehow, unintentionally, caused his friend the kind of emotional pain he had been feeling himself. He rushed forward to embrace Dean, trying to return a little of the comfort that Dean had afforded him with. 'You're crying and I don't understand and it's painful to behold.'

'Tell me 'bout it. That's exactly how I felt when you turned up today.'

'My apologies, Dean.'

'No. Don't apologize. I _want_ you to come to me when you feel like that. I'm not much use in these situations but it's gotta be better than letting it stew in the dark. It's just... I wasn't expecting it to bounce back on me like that!'

'I don't really understand why it did.'

 _'Fuck, Cas!'_ and Dean pushed the angel forcibly from his arms, the bottled up frustration spewing out of him in uncontrollable waves. 'Hearing you talk about _loving someone_. That hurts okay! I didn't want you to find out this way but the whole unrequited thing is starting to do my nut in.'

'Unrequited,' Cas seemed to be slowly coming to terms with what Dean was saying, if the look of dawning comprehension on his face was anything to go by.

'Yes, Cas. Fucking unrequited love,' he could feel his own eyes blazing as his mouth continued to run off these sentimental statements without a word of permission from his brain. 'I've loved you for fucking _years_ and now you've gone and met some chick or someone who's made _you_ feel that exact same way and by the luck of all that is damned and holy, it's me you come crying to about it! I'm sorry, Cas... I know I'm a shitty friend but I just can't deal. You'll have to find someone else to talk to 'bout this...' Throughout Dean's little speech, Cas hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from his friend, unsurprisingly he looked completely shell-shocked. Dean couldn't look at him now his mouth had finally run its course. He was three seconds from turning tail and running into the safe confines of the bunker. He buried his face into the palm of one hand in an attempt to hide his mortification. ''M sure Sammy'll listen.' He gestured back with his free hand to the open door. 'You want me to go get him for you?' but Cas interrupted before he could even finish asking.

'Idiot.'

'What?' Dean chanced a glance at his friend. It seemed like Cas didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He was sporting a Cheshire-cat like grin whilst tears continued their journey down previously made tracks, glimmering in the sunlight.

'I thought you knew. Idiot.'

'What? Knew what? And stop calling me that.'

'I was talking about _you.'_

'Me? Me what?' Dean's perplexity only grew with every word Cas spoke. 'Me being an idiot? Well good news, buddy: I was already aware of that.' But a bubble of excitement had begun to form in the pit of Dean's stomach. _Stop it!_ Dean told the bubble, determined to pop it before it grew any bigger or worse, before Cas popped it for him...

'I love _you_ , you idiot. And you're not really an idiot, by any standards... I've always loved you. _Always._ ' As Cas was speaking he was moving forwards into Dean's personal space, starring determinedly into his eyes even as Dean tried to blink him away. The bubble was growing at an alarming rate now, it wouldn't be long before it consumed him. But it was heavier than a normal bubble, seemed to be made of glass, fragile but immovable. And Dean knew that if it ever broke, it would be more painful than falling on a million flecks of shattered prickly crystal.

'Are you... are you _sure_?' Cas looked like he wanted to roll his eyes and was restraining himself with great difficulty but nothing felt real to Dean anymore. It was like something out of a crazily unrealistic day dream.

'No. My mistake. It's actually that guy who served me coffee this morning from the gas station. I've been in love with him for years, how could I forget? I really don't know how I keep confusing the two of you.'

Dean's mouth opened and closed gormlessly. 'Are you _fucking_ with me? Was that _actual_ sarcasm?'

'Like I said, I've been feeling more human every day.'

'You fucker!' But Cas's eyes were sparkling and his lips were stretched into a goofy gummy smile. He could feel his own breaths coming out short, his excitement threatening to engulf him. 'C'mere,' his emotions had been strained beyond the brink, from one end of the spectrum to the other and all in a matter of minutes. Now it was time for some serious sessions of lip-smacking therapy.

And they did just that, Dean closing the distance, Cas welcoming him home with open arms. The tears of joy they both now wore proudly, combining as their faces brushed against each other and their lips pressed close and their noses bumped awkwardly together. Dean moaned breathlessly into Cas's mouth and Cas hummed back against him sounding contented. And it was the singlest sweetest moment they could possibly share as they connected beating hearts, grace and soul. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked that, I'm not sure if it was a little vague to be honest. Please leave comments/criticisms, I always love to hear what you think of my stories xxx
> 
> Oh and please come check out my Tumblr blog: [onceuponadestiel](http://onceuponadestiel.tumblr.com). All my fanfiction can be viewed there as well as other destiel related randomness. Come drop me a message :) I'd love to hear from you x


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